Welcome, MarkofCane.
I very much enjoy your story, as it mirrors many here.
Thank you for taking the time to post. I can remember 5 years ago and looking into this site and began wondering how could I allowed myself to be so controlled by this Organization, "moving to where the need is great:, the wife and I Regular Pioneering a total of 38 years, serving as an Elder, COBE, Convention Speaker etc. And for what?
Only to be let down and made to feel you are not doing enough!
The Generation change in 2010 was the beginning for me on my new found journey. Yes, many tears shed with disappointments of expectations unfulfilled. In my 50's now and trying to come to grips that I am mortal and the day will come that I will die! That sucks!
Though I am still active as a JW, the wife is on board with me. We worship Jehovah on our on terms. Many things that are dispensed from the platform with no Scripture backup, we just ignore it. Nobody influences our decisions now. No guilt trips either about missing meetings to take about 10 mini vacations a year(3 or 4 days off in a row). Life is to short and there are many "beautiful places" on this planet to visit to get your batteries recharged. My wife and enjoy being together and LIVING LIFE!